


I Lived

by Off_to_Neverland



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Cancer, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Sarah Rogers - Freeform, dying Sarah Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Off_to_Neverland/pseuds/Off_to_Neverland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Steven Grant Rogers couldn’t remember the last time he had actually been to school. He wasn’t talking the type of school he attended in his early treatment years when he was six years old and the only other students in his kindergarten class were fellow cancer warriors. No, he was talking about public school, something that was normal to most kids but not Steve.</em>
</p>
<p>Also known as, a high school AU in which Steve Rogers, a childhood cancer survivor, is returning to public school for the first time since preschool and things have changed drastically...especially when it comes to one James Buchanan Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the song "I Lived" by OneRepublic when the idea for this fic struck me. I will be continuing my other fic, Sweet Child of Mine, for those reading it...but I went with my muse and began this story, as well. I will update as much as I can, but I am a high school teacher and some weeks are more hectic than others. Thank you for your patience. Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Actually kudos and comments keep my muse flowing and make me more likely to update sooner. Enjoy!

Steven Grant Rogers couldn’t remember the last time he had actually been to school. He wasn’t talking the type of school he attended in his early treatment years when he was six years old and the only other students in his kindergarten class were fellow cancer warriors. No, he was talking about public school, something that was normal to most kids but not Steve. He had been home-schooled from kindergarten until he was eight years old….then when he was twelve and relapsed, he was home-schooled once more. From there he attended school in the hospital, with other children who were in for extended periods of time. Then, it was back to being home-schooled while he received a bone marrow transplant to save his life. Now, he was deemed healthy enough to go to public school with other kids in his Brooklyn neighborhood, kids that he had not seen for more than a few months since he was in preschool. Honestly, the thought of attending a typical high school was a bit overwhelming for the pale fifteen year old with peach fuzz blond hair and light blue eyes. 

“Mom, do I really have to go?” Steve’s voice shook from the nerves. He had been isolated most of his life to keep him away from germs that could kill him. Now, the thought of being around so many people, especially people who had probably known one another for years, scared him.

“Yes, Steven. It will be good for you. Besides, James will be there with you. He is actually excited you will be going to school with him now.” Sarah Rogers told her son, leaning down to kiss his forehead. She was pale and sickly herself, wearing a scarf around her head, having battled cancer beside her son. However, she loved her son more than anything and she was glad that her childhood best friend’s son, James, would be in school with Steve. Both boys had been dealt a rough hand in life, James losing his arm in a car accident while Steve was in transplant, but they had been best friends their entire lives and it was fitting that James would be there to help Steve adjust to school.

“Yeah, but Mom I haven’t talked to James since his accident and my transplant. We texted and stuff, but it’s been a few years, he could have changed a lot….” Steve mumbled, sighing. Honestly, Steve wasn’t even sure they were friends anymore. Yeah, they had been thick as thieves in childhood but they were teenagers now and James had gone to high school, gotten friends, while Steve had been in isolation in the hospital only befriending others with cancer, like Matt Murdock whose retinoblastoma had made him go blind. He lived in a different neighborhood, however, so Steve had no chance of seeing him in school. 

“Well, if he did, he still calls you friend because he told his mother he’s excited you’ll be going to school with him. You know he hasn’t had it easy in high school, right?”

“Yeah, but at least he’s gone to school and probably has friends. I’m going to be the outcast, the only kid allowed to wear a hat to school because otherwise I’d be completely bald. Not to mention I’m so skinny that the school uniform just hangs off of me and makes me look like a skeleton.” Steve muttered, sighing. His words were true. Hats were not part of the uniform at the high school he would be attending, yet because he was still growing his hair back, he was allowed to wear one. He even had a special note to show teachers if they asked. He also was still extremely skinny, since until recently he tended to throw up anything he tried to eat while in treatment.

“Steven, you are going to school.” Sarah’s voice left no room for argument. She knew her son. She knew that if she did not put her foot down, Steve would come up with valid excuses as to why he should continue being homeschooled and should not attend school. The fact was, she wanted Steve to socialize with his peers. She knew that she didn’t have a lot of time, though Steve did not know this, and she wanted to make sure he would be taken care of. She wanted to ensure that he developed socially and that a support system was put in place for when the inevitable occurred.

“Fine, Mom.” Steve crossed his arms, huffing like a small child. The last thing he wanted to do now that he was free of the confines of the hospital was go to school. However, he supposed it was the normal thing to do and he did want to have some normalcy in his life.

“Good. James will be here after breakfast to help you to the bus.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve embarks on his first day of school, alongside a distant and changed Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your patience! I promise I will update when muse strikes and I have time. If you like it, please give me some love with comments and kudos, they really help keep my muse flowing. :D

The knock came just as Steve was finishing the last of his orange juice. Orange juice, Steve’s least favorite juice and yet a juice he had gotten into the habit of drinking daily. Honestly, ever since getting sick, Steve had become accustomed to skipping the junk food and eating and drinking only what was healthy and might give his immune system a boost. It wasn’t the norm, but Steve Rogers never really had been the norm.

Steve waited with baited breath as his mother slowly glided toward the door. He listened as she exchanged niceties with Mrs. Barnes. He did overhear her speaking of her health, but he ignored it as he so often did. Part of Steve knew, in his gut, that something was mortally wrong with his mother, but he did not want to admit it for even one moment. The longer he denied the feeling, the longer he could gain normalcy before his world was torn apart. At least that is how he saw it. There was no use waiting for the next shoe to drop when his own mother seemed intent on keeping the truth from him. He figured that when she wanted him to understand the gut wrenching fear that he experienced just looking at her scarf covered head, she would tell him. She would make him understand. 

Until Sarah made Steve understand that feeling, he was intent to simply do what he had to do. He was intent on finding the normalcy he had lacked for so long, even if that meant rekindling old friendships, like the friendship he once had with James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes. 

“Steve, James is here! Hurry up or you boys will be late for school!” Sarah’s words hung in the air, bringing forth the reality that this was the moment of truth. This was the moment when Steve would see his childhood best friend. This was the moment that would determine whether or not Steve entered high school as a loner, or whether he still had a best friend to call his own.

Steve grabbed his backpack, slinging it over one shoulder before slipping the red beanie onto his head and heading for the door. He braced himself for the image he might be met with. If Steve had changed since the last time he’d seen Bucky, surely Bucky had changed as well. Did he even want to be called Bucky anymore or was that a childhood nickname which died the moment childhood ended? The moment Steve was diagnosed with cancer and the moment Bucky lost his arm in that car accident. Steve didn’t know. All he knew was that his mother had been calling him James and that whoever his old best friend was, he now stood on Steve’s porch waiting for him.

Sarah kissed her son’s forehead as he approached the door. She could tell he looked a bit nervous but she hoped that the nerves would dissipate once he spoke to James and went off to school. In her mind, high school would be good for him. 

Steve wasn’t quite as certain as his mother that he’d like high school but he would do it for her. Honestly, he did most things in his life for other people. He did these things to please others and to do what was right by the standards of those important to him. That had been his way and probably always would be. 

“Go on now. Don’t be late for the bus!” Sarah Rogers said, giving her son a gentle push out the door. Then, just like that Mrs. Barnes stepped in and the door closed behind the two mothers. 

Steve turned his attention back to Bucky now. James Buchanan Barnes stood, his good arm in his jacket pocket, while the other sleeve hung unfilled and useless at his other side. His own black backpack was slung over his one good shoulder and he stood, shoulders hunched awkwardly on the porch. His eyes were downcast and he seemed to be looking at his feet rather than at Steve. If Steve thought he looked awkward and skinny, he had to admit that Bucky looked just as uncomfortable in this situation as Steve himself was.

“Are you going to look at the ground all day or are we going to get going?” Steve asked, deciding to break the ice rather than to remain standing so awkwardly on the porch. “I mean...I don’t think I wanna go to school anymore than you do but I have a feeling our moms would frown upon that since they put so much effort into us going together.” Steve chuckled a bit nervously. He wasn’t sure what was going through Bucky’s head, but the silence was making him very uncomfortable.

“Uh...hi.” Those were the first words Bucky uttered in a rather raspy, nervous voice. He immediately coughed to clear his throat and his blue eyes met Steve’s own blue orbs, a nervous look within them.

“This is awkward...isn’t it?” Steve commented, returning Bucky’s smile with a friendly smile that he hoped would be reassuring, because whether their mothers thought so or not, it really was awkward to be standing before a best friend that life had made a stranger. Steve just wasn’t afraid to admit it and to call attention to the awkwardness, the elephant in the room so to speak. It was hard to fear simple things when one had faced cancer head on. 

“You think?” Bucky chuckled and Steve couldn’t help but think that it was a beautiful sound, one that he was certain he wanted to hear a lot more of. Yet, would he? He guessed it depended on how this whole meeting went. 

“I don’t think, I KNOW. I mean, come on we haven’t seen one another in...how long?”

“I dunno...three years?” Bucky looked at Steve, his eyes revealing that he knew a lot more than he was saying.

“At least that, I mean I got sick three years ago and then it was over 100 days in the transplant ward after a ton of butt kicking chemo...so, at least three years, probably more. We were what….twelve the last time we saw one another?” Steve was trying to make conversation, to lessen the sheer awkwardness of this situation, but he knew he was rambling. Honestly, Steve WANTED his best friend back, but he really had himself convinced that Bucky had moved on and made friends, while Steve’s only friends had been those in the hospital like him.

“Yeah, well, who needs the details...it’s been a long time and a lot of things happened.” Bucky’s words were quick, as if he were trying to end the very conversation that Steve was trying to begin.

“If this is a problem, I could get to the bus myself…” Steve felt deflated, as if all the air had been pushed from his lungs. He wanted this. Bucky, however, seemed to want anything but. “I mean, my mom’s just protective...but I’m not stupid, I know where the bus picks the kids up. I can manage.” 

“Nah, it’s fine, just don’t go expecting things to be the same. I’ve changed and...well, you might not wanna associate with me when we get to the school.”

“What do you mean?” Steve didn’t really understand what the other boy was getting at. After all, Steve didn’t know anyone else. Why wouldn’t he want to stay by Bucky, someone who had once been so familiar and friendly. They had been best friends and while Steve did not doubt that they’d BOTH changed...he couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t want to be friends with Bucky.

“You’ll see…” Bucky’s statement was short once more and to make matters worse, he slipped earbuds into his ears, blocking out any attempt Steve might use to try to make conversation at the bus stop. When they got on the bus, he further blocked Steve out, by slipping into a two-seat seat and putting his legs up to prevent Steve from sitting down. Instead, Steve was forced to sit alone behind him.

Once at the school, Bucky motioned for Steve to follow, walking him to the office and then promptly abandoning him to the secretary who fussed over Steve. Her name was Carol and she asked Steve a million questions about the hospital and his mother, as if she had no understanding that both were sensitive topics. By the time his guidance counselor, Dr. Pym, showed up Steve was practically jumping from the chair to get away from Carol. 

“I see that this is the first time you have attended public school in a long time, but all of your records from homeschooling and the school at the hospital look promising. We have decided to place you into all honors classes based on these records. Is that alright with you, Mr. Rogers?” Everything that the man, Dr. Pym, said was proper and he looked at Steve as if he knew a lot more than he was willing to say about his academics and his situation. 

“Okay.” Steve agreed, shrugging. He didn’t really know the difference between honors and non-honors, but he was just glad to be in school with his peers and not isolated in some hospital. His mother might not be telling him how bad things were, but since he had been home he’d noticed how often she took the pain medications prescribed to her and how frequently she grew tired or seemed to lack an appetite. He had seen enough in the hospital to know that all three of those things were bad signs. He just wouldn’t admit it to himself. If she wanted to act as if things were okay, he would too. If he didn’t admit it, it wasn’t happening. So, to Steve the idea of honors classes sounded good because he knew they’d keep him busy.

“We have given you a study hall, in lieu of gym, as the doctor has not cleared you for prolonged periods of activity yet. When you are up to it, just let me know and I can transfer you out of study hall and into gym that period.”

“Okay.” Once more, Steve agreed without really thinking about it. If that is what they wanted to do, who was he to disagree? He didn’t understand school enough to really take it all in anyway. He didn’t know whether or not this was normal. He was just going to agree to try to get out of this office and on with his first day.

“Do you have any questions? If not, I will send for a liaison from student government to escort you to class. She will walk you through your schedule today and show you around the school. If you need her tomorrow, please stop by and let one of the secretaries know and we will arrange for that.” 

Steve shrugged. He didn’t have questions that he could think of. Honestly, being escorted around the school was going to make him stand out enough as the new kid. He didn’t want to face more questions. He just wanted to get a move on things.

“Alright, if you have any questions, Mr. Rogers, please do not hesitate to stop by. I understand you have gone through a lot and that your mother has some concerns...so, my door is always open to you.”

Steve just nodded. He was used to speeches of concern from adults. The psychologist at the hospital had given him the same speech when he was discharged. Most cancer survivors had baggage. Steve just had exceptionally more than most, since his mother was sick too. Everyone was good intentioned, worrying for his well-being as they should. However, there wasn’t a whole lot he felt anyone could do to change the situation so he saw no reason to walk into those open doors. What was pouring his heart out going to do to make it better? It wasn’t exactly going to knock cancer out, like it would a typical bully. It would only bring up the inevitable, something Steve was more than happy to avoid for the moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets a member of SGA and learns just what the students seem to think of Bucky. Meanwhile, he realizes one thing...he needs Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me! Please leave me comments and kudos, it really does keep the muse flowing.

Steve waited outside the office like a lost puppy. He readjusted his red beanie, wishing he could take it off without his peach fuzz making him feel embarrassed. Though, he had to admit it was just as embarrassing to be the only student allowed to wear a hat, as long as the hat matched the red plaid of the uniform. 

After a few minutes of waiting, listening to the pledge being recited and hearing the announcements over the intercom, he saw a female student approaching. She looked like she had important business and Steve could only guess this was the student government liaison that Dr. Pym had spoken of. His suspicions were further confirmed when she didn’t even hesitate to approach him, a smile on her face, her brown curls bouncing as she tossed them over her shoulder to offer Steve her hand.

“You must be Steven, I’m Margaret, though most people call me Peggy.” The girl stated, shaking the hand Steve offered and continuing to smile at him. Honestly, he had to admit that she was pretty but the way she looked at him, with that same knowing look that Dr. Pym had given him, made him a bit nervous.

“I prefer Steve..” He muttered, knowing that no one knew that without him saying so but hating how everyone was calling him Steven or Mr. Rogers today. That really made him feel lonely and out of place, where the hospital that had been home so long had been graced with people who called him Steve or Stevie and were always willing to joke with him and share laughs. Everything here seemed so awkward, proper and forced right now and he hated it.

“Alright, Steve. My job is to take you through your schedule. I will drop you off at each class and meet you five minutes before the end to take you to the next one. Okay?”

Steve simply nodded, as if being the “new kid” wasn’t enough, he was not being accompanied to and from each class. Of course, he understood why. Who wants to see the new kid getting lost? Even so, it made him stand out when all Steve wanted to do was blend in and find his place, like he had at the hospital.

“Do you have any questions, Steve? Homeroom has already started, so you’ll be walking into your first class late but your teacher is Mrs. Grey and she is very friendly and understanding.” Peggy told him, watching him. That seemed to be all anyone was doing, watching him. What did they think he was going to cry or break under the pressure? Sure, he was skinny and probably looked like a twig, but he wasn’t that easy to break. He had survived more than most kids his age and he knew there would be more challenges coming.

“Do you know James Barnes?” The question spilled from Steve’s lips before he could stop it. Honestly, he was still trying to figure out why Bucky had gone from hot to cold. His mother said he was excited to have Steve with him, but Bucky certainly hadn’t acted like it. Sure, they had laughed, but the moment Steve tried to make conversation Bucky had shut him out. He had mentioned changing and how Steve wouldn’t want to associate with him. Steve still didn’t get it and he figured asking someone who went to this school was a better option than sitting around wondering all day.

“James Barns…the one-armed kid?” Peggy raised her eyebrows, curiously. She looked Steve up and down seeming to analyze him. “What do you wanna know about him for? That kid is bad news, has been ever since he got back to school.”

Steve furrowed his brow, not liking her answer and immediately wanting to jump to Bucky’s defense, even if he himself didn’t know the other boy anymore. He hadn’t seemed like bad news when they were on the bus together. He had seemed sullen, sad even. He seemed like he put walls up. However, he wouldn’t describe any of that as bad news. “What do ya mean, bad news? He’s my friend….or he was, before, when we were little. He’s had a lot happen...ya know!” There Steve was, jumping into defense mode, still unsure whether or not his words were true, but unwilling to let someone who seemed to know very little about Bucky talk badly about the other. 

“Steve, you were friends AS KIDS….a lot has happened and maybe he changed. I’m just telling you, he’s bad news and I’d stay away if I were you.”

Steve shook his head. While he understood that she was answering his question and trying to be helpful, Steve wasn’t one to just give up. He was going to keep trying to talk to Bucky, especially if they took the bus together. He was going to try to learn the truth from Bucky….not Peggy, who was a stranger to him yet. She seemed nice and friendly, but Steve knew better than anyone that appearances could be deceiving. Her attitude toward Bucky, regardless of how friendly her words sounded, was enough to set Steve on edge.

“Alright, look, you can do what you want, Steve, but that kid is always in trouble. If you want to stay out of trouble, I would stay away from him.”

“Why does he get into trouble?” Steve wasn’t just going to let this drop.

“What do you mean, why? He just does. He gets into fights, picks fights, and he hangs out with some stoners. He’s just not in with a good crowd.”

Something about this didn’t sit right with Steve, but he was done talking about it for now. He would try to find Bucky later and see for himself. He wasn’t going to listen to Peggy, because as nice as she seemed she was a member of student government and he could already tell she was probably one of the popular girls, someone who didn’t know what it was like to be Steve or Bucky, to have had hardships that made it hard to survive, let alone to socialize. Yeah, Steve might not know much about Bucky anymore, but he was willing to learn. He was willing to fight past Bucky’s guard and to learn who he was underneath it all. They had been best friends once and something told Steve that Bucky needed that friendship back. Steve needed it too. The longer he walked the halls of this school, being guided by Peggy (who was basically a stranger) the more lonely he felt. He needed Bucky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mini-chapter: Steve Rogers makes plans, via text message, with his best friend from the hospital Matt Murdock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes...you get not one but TWO chapters today. Though, this is a bit of a mini-chapter, since it mainly consists of text messages. Comments and kudos make the world go around! :D

The bus ride home from his first day, was uneventful. Bucky never made it to the bus and Steve sat alone, plugging in his earphones and listening to music until his stop. Steve returned home from his first day of school to an empty house and a note from his mother. She had a doctor’s appointment. So, he made himself a healthy snack of apples and peanut butter, before moving to his room and watching t.v. until his phone buzzed.

Matt Murdock 2:45pm: Hey, how was your first day back at school?

The text message through Steve off for only a moment. Matt had a phone, Steve knew that. He also had software on his phone that allowed messages to be read to him, as well as voice commands to enable him to send messages and make phone calls. It also seemed that his best friend from the hospital had not forgotten that today was his “big day.” 

Steve Rogers 2:50pm: Eh...it was school, I guess. Was it this weird when you went back?

Matt Murdock 2:53pm: Probably not. I had Foggy. I’d also only been gone a few months.

Steve Rogers 2:58pm: Yeah. For me it was years.

Matt Murdock 3:01pm: Did you ever actually start school or were you always this smartass homeschooled kid?

Steve Rogers 3:05pm: First of all, I am not a smartass homeschooled kid. Second, I DID go to pre-school and kindergarten….cancer just decided it didn’t want me to do anymore after.

Matt Murdock 3:08pm: Sure, sure blame the cancer. We both know you just loved being homeschooled. Besides, ya wouldn’t have met me if ya went to school!

Steve Rogers 3:10pm: Oh no! How could I ever live without you, Matt!

Matt Murdock 3:15pm: Wipe that smirk off your face, even I can SEE it and I’m blind as a bat.

Steve Rogers 3:20pm: Bats are not actually blind, Matt.

Matt Murdock 3:24pm: Yeah...I know. Anyway, how was school REALLY?

Steve Rogers 3:30pm: Honestly, it sucked.

Matt Murdock 3:36pm: Do you wanna talk about it? I can see if I can get a ride to come over.

Steve Rogers 3:40pm: That would be amazing. Let me text my mom.

Matt Murdock 3:45pm: Dad can get me there. What’d your mom say?

Steve Rogers 3:50pm: She texted back and said okay. She told me where her card is to order takeout.

Matt Murdock 3:55pm: On my way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve spends some quality time with Matt and resolves himself to learn just what happened to James Buchanan Barnes while he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slowly working on this fic. I've had a bit of a block, but I am trying to write through it. So, please bear with me if things are a bit slow. Also, please keep commenting and leaving kudos, they keep the muse flowing and give me more reason to keep pushing through the block. :D Thanks for your patience!

Matt Murdock arrived at exactly 5 o’clock in the evening. Neither his father nor Mrs. Rogers cared that the boys had school the next day. They knew that the two understood one another and needed one another. For Sarah Rogers, that meant a lot. She wanted her son to have all the support he needed when the time came, so his friendships were important to her. 

“Hey Steve, a little help here?” Matt arrived with his arms full of snacks. Apparently his father hadn’t let him come empty handed and Steve was on the receiving end of Mr. Murdock’s generosity. He had a fight that night, so Steve had promised Matt they’d “watch” it after dinner. Steve quickly moved in to grab some of the bags from Matt’s arms and guided Matt with his free hand toward the couch.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Steve commented, looking at Matt with a smile upon his face.

“Me too. You sounded like you needed a friend and besides it’s better than listening to Dad’s fight alone.”

When the two boys had shared a room in the hospital, they had always listened to Matt’s father’s fights on the tv or radio, playing a game or chatting while they waited for the announcer to make a call. Early on, Matt could see. Now, well, he was completely blind but he could hear better than anyone Steve knew.

“So, you gonna tell me why school sucked so much or am I gonna have to beat it out of you?” Matt was smirking as he asked the question but Steve could see the worry that Matt would never admit behind his unseeing eyes. He would not have pressed to be here with Steve if he didn’t know how to read his friend, if he didn’t know that smartass, skinny Steve Rogers was upset about something.

“I’ll tell ya. Honestly, it just sucked...I mean, people stared, which I guess is expected since I haven’t been to school since I was about five and most thought I died...apparently. But you know how you said you had Foggy?”

“Yeah. I did have Foggy and even anyone stared at me, I sure as hell couldn’t see so it didn’t bother me any and Foggy never told me about it. Anyway, go on…”

“Well, I thought I’d have Bucky. He was my best friend when I was little and our moms are friends, they brought us over to take the bus together.”

“I remember you mentionin’ that name a few times. How come he never visited you?” 

Steve had never thought about that much. He knew that Bucky had gone through some things when Steve got sick and clearly he was missing an arm now, but he had never really thought about the fact that he hadn’t actually seen Bucky since they were kids. Foggy, being Matt’s best friend, had actually visited Matt in the hospital a few times but Steve’s only visitors had been his mother and sometimes Grandpa Ian, before he passed. Steve had never had a friend visit him.

“I dunno...I never really thought about that.” Steve’s words were soft and a frown formed on his face. Now, he was questioning what as a young child he’d never really thought about. Why hadn’t his best friend visited him? Sure, kids weren’t really allowed in the hospital rooms without special permission, but Bucky could have gotten that. They had been close as brothers as kids. Now, Steve was left questioning that very foundation.

“Well, guess ya are now...anyway, did ya take the bus together?”

“Yeah...but then Bucky got kind of weird. He just didn’t seem like he wanted anything to do with me and he warned me things would be different and then….well, the girl who guided me around the school called him bad news.”

“You know why?”

“Not really. She just said he gets in fights and hangs out with stoners….which, I’d never think Bucky would do.”

“Yeah, well, you also dunno why he didn’t come see you in the hospitals, Steve. I don’t think you can call yourself an expert on Bucky.”

“Yeah, but he looks real sad, Matt. It’s not….I dunno.”

“Well, whatever it is, you gotta figure out what you intend to do about it, Steve, because you’ve never really been one to listen to other people’s opinions.”

“I’m not going to. I’m going to find out why they’re saying these things and what happened to Bucky while I was in the hospital.”

“See...THAT is the Steve Rogers I know. So, don’t LET school suck. Find out what your friends problem is and fix it. Doesn’t really seem like a problem to me.”

“It is if he doesn’t LET me fix it, Matt.”

“Are you going to give him a choice? Really, Steve?”

“I guess not. Now, come on your dad’s fight’ll be starting.”

The rest of the night went by unhitched with Steve describing the fight to Matt and Matt listening attentively. A night with Matt Murdock was just what Steve needed to feel less alone and he knew when he went back to school, he would be ready to face whatever demons Bucky was dealing with. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers makes some friends and begins to re-establish his reputation for fighting. Even cancer hasn't changed that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who have been following this story and subscribing...I am so sorry for the long wait. I have had a lot of bad things happen in my personal life the last few months that have made it really hard to sit and write. I've also been trying to work through a block on this fic. However, this chapter came to me this morning and I think it's high time I updated. 
> 
> Please keep the kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions coming. They really do help motivate me to continue.

Steve Rogers dressed for school the next day and was waiting on his porch the moment he saw Bucky walking to the bus stop. He ran to catch up, Bucky walking briskly with his headphones in, seemingly ignoring the rest of the world. 

“Hey Buck!” Steve called out, hoping to break the ice with conversation. He frowned when Bucky simply nodded and proceeded to turn his music up, ignoring Steve completely. That wasn’t what he expected. The day before he had acted like it was STEVE who wouldn’t want to associate with him, not the other way around. Steve was putting effort into trying to talk to Bucky and yet here Steve was being rejected.

Steve felt tears prickling in his eyes, but not wanting to seem weak he did his best to hide them. He rolled his shoulders back and pulled his phone out of his pocket, sending Matt a text message to keep his eyes focused on something and to keep the tears from falling. Bucky had once been his best friend and now Steve was grappling with the fact that the other boy seemed to want nothing to do with him.

“Bucky, did I do something to you?” Steve couldn’t keep the question from leaving his lips. He wanted to know why Bucky was acting this way. He wanted to understand just what was going on in his former friend’s head. To do so, however, he’d have to hide his wounded pride and push for answers. At least, he had to try to do that.

“Yeah, you left and everything went to shit.”

That was far from the answer Steve expected. In fact, it left Steve open mouthed and wide-eyed. However, he didn’t have time to react before the bus arrived and Bucky hurried to get on, taking the first open row he saw and spreading his legs out over the seat, blocking Steve from even trying to sit with him.

“Hey Steve, you can sit with me if you want.”

Steve glanced up, his glassy eyes making the world blurry, to see a red-head that he vaguely recognized from his English class smiling and waving at him. He didn’t have much choice but to take a seat beside her as the bus driver barked at him to sit down and the bus began to move. 

“Uh...thanks.” Steve mumbled, looking at the girl and blinking back the tears that threatened to fall.

“Are you okay? If you’re upset about James, don’t be….he doesn’t really talk to anyone and no one else even bothers to try anymore.” The girl stated, glancing at the seat Bucky had taken up, where he now sat, eyes closed and music blaring.

“No one?” That made Steve a bit sad. He couldn’t imagine being so alone and isolated that people stopped trying to befriend you or talk to you. It baffled him and he still couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to make Bucky this way.

“I try sometimes. I mean, sometimes I can get a...well it’s not really a smile, more of a grimace, but he still doesn’t say much. I’d just hate to see him be alone with whatever issues he’s got. We all have shit in our lives...but he’s had a real rotten lot tossed his way, worse than most. Still...he won’t talk to me, so I just try to make sure no one bugs him.” The girl shrugged and looked at Steve once more, holding out her hand. “Name’s Natasha, by the way. It didn’t look like you remembered, but don’t make me tell you again because then I WILL be offended. I don’t pity anyone...and that includes you. You may have been sick, but you’re in high school now and that doesn’t really matter beyond the first day.”

“Right...thanks…” Steve muttered, more distracted by what she’d said about Bucky. What the hell had happened to him that made him so distant. Natasha talked as if she knew, but Steve wasn’t quite sure how to breach the subject when she had already moved on and was chattering to him about some other student in the school and trying to let him know what was and wasn’t acceptable. Steve was honestly tuning her out, his eyes on her but looking through her as he continued to think about Bucky. 

“Oh look last stop...” Natasha announced, breaking Steve from his thoughts. He looked up just in time to see a boy with sandy blonde hair and sunglasses get on the bus. The boy gave Natasha a wink, whispering something in her ear before taking the seat across from her. “He usually sits in your spot, but you looked like you needed a friend and I was feeling generous today.”

Steve just nodded, muttering a thank you before turning his head to watch Bucky once more, letting the two friends talk around him. Steve was used to people talking around him, it happened constantly in the hospital. None of this made sense to Steve. Everything was so different. He wasn’t returning to the life he’d had pre-cancer because he’d been too young to have a life then. No, Steve was starting a new life. He was starting over. 

“Hey Nat, why’s the new kid staring at James?”

Steve whipped his head around to look at the boy with sandy blonde hair. He had been watching Steve without speaking a word since getting on the bus and it was as the bus was pulling up to the school that he chose to speak. The two proceeded to hold a conversation about Steve, AROUND Steve. 

“You do know, you can ask me right? I am sitting right here…” Steve stated, finally deciding to speak up. He didn’t like being ignored. He’d had doctors speak over him, about him, to his mother for a good portion of his life. He didn’t need “friends” doing that now. 

“He speaks!”

“Oh knock it off, blockhead. Of course he speaks.” Natasha said, reaching over Steve to playfully whack the other boy on the head. 

“Steve, ignore this knucklehead. His name is Clint, by the way, and he clearly has no manners.”

“Right and you are a princess….” Clint mumbled, rolling his eyes and making Steve chuckle. 

“See, even Stevie boy liked that one, Nat.”

“Don’t call me that…”

“Then what shall I call you?”

“Steve.”

“Alright, well even Steve likes that one, Princess Natasha.”

Steve watched as Natasha once again hit Clint, before giving Steve a warning glance. He was not about to cross her. She seemed to be the only friend he’d made at this school so far and he wasn’t about to piss her off and ruin it. Plus, Natasha didn’t seem to be someone you wanted to piss off. 

“Yeah, well you two have got it coming to you if you continue to call me princess…”

Steve did not doubt that one bit. However, he was still thinking over something else Natasha had said when talking about Bucky. _‘He’s had a real rotten lot tossed his way, worse than most.’_ Steve wanted to know what she meant by that. She seemed to have more insight into Bucky than anyone else he’d met. Most others just told him he didn’t want to get to know Bucky or seemed to hate his former best friend. Yet, Natasha at least seemed to look out for him, in her own way. That had to mean something. At least, Steve thought so.

“Hey Nat?” Steve had to suppress a grimace at how weak and awkward his voice sounded. How was he going to make friends with someone like Natasha if his own voice betrayed him. So, he cleared his throat and tried again. “Hey Natasha…” That time, his voice was loud and clear. 

“You can call me, Nat. Actually, I like that one!” She turned to look toward Clint and Steve swore she winked. “See, THIS one knows how to treat me, Clint. You should take a lesson, ya knucklehead.” Steve could only watch as she reached out and playfully shoved Clint, who retaliated with his own shove. Soon, the two were giggling and Steve felt as if he were forgotten. He wondered if he’d somehow become the third wheel here, with his two new “friends,” if you could call them that so soon. 

“Would the two of you shut the hell up…”

Steve froze, knowing that voice anywhere. Brock. Even without being in school for years, Steve knew the voice of the boy who’d beat him up on multiple occasions in the school yard in younger years. He just hadn’t realized he was on this bus. Though, he should have suspected as much. After all, he had lived in Steve’s neighborhood and while Steve had gotten sick, he still lived in the same apartment he’d been born in. Unless Brock moved, he still lived in the same area too. Still, Steve wasn’t exactly prepared for Brock and his cronies to be on his bus. He didn’t have Bucky to have his back now. He was alone and Brock, had always been bigger and stronger than Steve. 

“Is there a problem, blockhead, because you suck the damn fun out of everything and I’m sick of it!”

Steve remained rigid and tense, as he heard Nat speak up. He was never one to back down from a fight, even one he was sure to lose in the past, but that was before the battle became his life...that was before cancer. Now, he knew what it was to truly fight and he wasn’t sure he had the energy to deal with a bully like Brock Rumlow if he didn’t have to. 

“What is my problem? My problem is the little twig it seems you decided to befriend! I sort of hoped he was dead...haven’t seen him in awhile and yet here he is back for more and stirring up more trouble for himself. Hey Rogers, I’d be careful who you befriend if I were you. This lot...not gonna get you very far. Maybe if you’re nice, I’ll let you hang with me and the boys.”

Steve looked down at his feet, shaking his head. He wanted no part of this right now. He was really trying to adjust, to start fresh. Yet here were old wounds returning and with the added baggage that cancer brought along, Steve really didn’t want anything to do with this.

Brock, however, wasn’t done. Rather than let it go as Steve ignored him, he stood up. He ignored the bus driver’s attempt to get him sitting down, and slipped into the seat behind Natasha and Steve, as seat that the cancer survivor hadn’t even realized was open. 

“What? No retort, Stevie? Guess you’re more like your faggot boyfriend than before...another misfit with no fight in him, huh? You both should have just done the world a damn favor and died.” Brock had leaned across the seat to whisper into Steve’s ear so no one else would hear the harsh words he spoke. 

That is when Brock crossed the a line. The moment he mentioned Bucky, Steve jumped up and stepped into action. They might not be talking, but no one EVER said a word about Bucky. At least, not like that. Without a second thought, Steve jumped up and began throwing punches across the seat, ignoring Nat, Clint and Rumlow’s own cronies as they joined the fray. As the bus reached the school, a full on scuffle had broken out and the other students had formed a wall, not allowing the bus driver or anyone in to stop it. 

When the principal finally got on the bus to stop it, Steve was left bloodied and bruised, his entire face already beginning to swell, while Rumlow pointed the finger at him. Nat and Clint tried to protest, to defend Steve...but the principal seemed to write them off immediately. Steve supposed that meant this was not their first rodeo. Especially not with Rumlow. 

Either way, Steve was marched off the bus, past Bucky, along with Rumlow, his cronies, Clint and Nat. All of them were a bit bruised and bloodied, though none as much as Steve. He stole a glance in Bucky’s direction and he swore he saw concern flash in the other’s eyes for a millisecond. Yet, the other made no move to help or speak up. He just kept his earphones on and before Steve could even confirm that he had been watching, his face was turned toward the window once more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New bonds are formed between Steve, Natasha and Clint, but when Steve is suspended for fighting Brock Rumlow on the bus, Sarah Rogers arrives to defend her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking with me! I am hoping now that it is summer and I have some more time on my hands and have gotten over my block (for now) I will be able to update more. I have another few chapters planned out, so they should be posted in the next week or so, depending on how much time I have to write. Again, I'm sorry things have been so slow...real life sucks sometimes. 
> 
> Keep the kudos and comments coming, they keep me motivated!

It had been a long time since Steve sat, waiting outside the principal’s office. One thing about hospital school and homeschooling...there was no principal and trouble like this was rare. So, this was hardly how he expected his second day back at school to go. Still, he supposed he wouldn’t be the same Steve Rogers if he didn’t get into a scuffle defending himself or someone else. Steve had never liked bullies and even cancer couldn’t change that. 

“You know, you surprised me, Steve. I never expected you to jump a guy like Rumlow….it was honestly kind of stupid but….I respect it.”

It was Natasha who broke the silence in the hallway. School had started and one by one the students involved in the bus scuffle were being called into the principal’s office as their parents arrived. Brock’s cronies had managed to get off with mere detentions, being sent back to class. Brock, however, was in there now, his father having arrived a minute before. He, Natasha and Clint were the only ones left waiting now and up to this point they had been waiting silently.

“Uh...thanks...I guess.” Steve had to move the ice pack away from his face to speak. He had taken the brunt of Brock’s hits, despite Natasha and Clint stepping in to try to help him. He never thought before jumping in against a bully, especially in defense of those he cared about. This had been no different and while he’d landed a few punches when he’d had the element of surprise...Brock had quickly realized what was happening and landed his own punches. Steve was certain that on top of being the bald, pale and waifish new kid...his face was now going to look like a balloon too. 

“You gonna be alright, Stevie?”

Clint. Steve didn’t move the ice pack this time, though he glared at Clint for the nickname. Only Bucky had ever called him that. He didn’t want to hear it from someone else’s mouth. 

“Sorry, I mean Steve….you alright, Steve? Brock really seemed to have done a number on you…”

“I’ll live. I’ve had worse. Besides, it probably looks worse than it is.”

That was not a lie. When you have survived cancer, you knew true pain and Steve was no different. He had been poked, prodded and used as a pincushion for three years. He had suffered from infections and undergone a bone marrow transplant. He didn’t think there was any physical pain that could trump what he’d experienced from cancer, even this pain. So, he would live and he had actually had worse.

“I guess that’s true…” Clint said, seemingly unsure how to react to Steve’s words.

“You know we have your back now, right?”

Steve looked over at Natasha and nodded. He’d be stupid not to realize that. They’d jumped to his defense on the bus quickly and she had already told him she respected what he’d done. He didn’t really see how he couldn’t understand the meaning behind that. Still, he appreciated it. If he didn’t have Bucky at his side, he could at least take comfort knowing he had two new friends at his back. 

“Nat’s damn loyal too...if you got her respect she’ll always have your back. Me too.”

“Well, thanks. I...I’m sure it’d be worse if you two hadn’t stepped in.”

“I KNOW it would be. Rumlow isn’t someone you mess with.” Natasha told him, looking at him curiously. “Though, he seemed to know you...which makes me curious. What the hell did you do to piss him off?”

“I existed.”

Natasha’s laugh filled the halls and soon Clint and Steve had both joined in. It hurt to laugh, given the swelling of his face and the pain in his ribs from Rumlow’s boots. Steve wouldn’t be surprised to have broken a rib or two in the scuffle. Still, it was good to laugh about it. It was nice to have friends who found humor in Steve’s actions. He knew his mother was going to lecture him. He knew he was likely to be suspended for fighting. Yet, in this moment it was okay. The only thing missing was Bucky, sitting beside him and laughing, holding his hand like when they were kids.

“I like you!”

“Uh...well...good.” Steve wasn’t sure how to respond to Nat’s words, but he didn’t have to think too long because even with his eye swelling shut he could see his mother approaching them, a disappointed frown etched on her face. However, the frown turned to a look of pure concern as she got close enough to see the bruises, cuts, and wounds lining Steve’s face.

“Steven Grant Rogers, what happened!” Her voice was shrill and concerned. Steve could only cringe. This is the part he had been dreading. The part he _always_ dreaded when he got into a fight. His mother was a force to be reckoned with, especially when it came to him, and he hated thinking he had disappointed or upset her.

Steve looked at his two friends sheepishly, before standing up and allowing his mother to fuss over him, taking the ice pack away from his face so that she could properly assess the damage. He did hear Nat and Clint snicker, but one look from his mother and the two instantly shut up. 

No one could ever doubt that Sarah Rogers loved and cared for her son. Everything she had done, she’d done for him. She had often taken on 24-hour shifts at the hospital, leaving Steve home alone, to ensure she kept a roof over his head and food on the table. She had left her husband, Steve’s father, the moment she found out she was pregnant with Steve. She had moved into a small two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, to keep her son safe. She was a single mother because she had no other choice. Her husband was not a good man by any standards. Circumstances of war had hardened him and she had not wanted to subject her child to that. So, she had left and ensured that her child, Steve, would be safe. He was her entire world and there could not be a doubt in anyone’s mind that Sarah lived for him. 

That is why it was not surprising to see Sarah fussing over Steve. The moment the ice pack had been pulled away from his face, she had reached over to remove his hat. Then, she had begun to gently touch his face, mumbling to herself as she assessed the damage. Steve, for his part, remained still. He was used to this. His mother was a nurse. An ER nurse. She had seen many things and because of it, she always knew what to do and how to fix things. That’s what had made Steve’s cancer so hard. She couldn’t fix it like she was accustomed to doing. 

“You still did not answer my question…” Sarah Roger's words were soft but calculated. She wanted the story from Steve's mouth before they entered the principal's office.

“Brock Rumlow happened…” Steve’s answer was mumbled, but he knew his mother would understand. She knew the name. He had bullied Steve for years. In younger years, Bucky used to carry him home by his shirt collar, taking him away from the fight. Then it would be Bucky who would explain to Sarah Rogers what happened, as Steve was too proud to admit it. Bucky would usually finish the fight Steve started, but Sarah Rogers never needed to know that.

“Steven, you know better than to stoop to his level.” Sarah Roger’s words were soft, but they held disappointment. She expected more from Steve. For his part, Steve just hung his head. He knew why he’d fought with Rumlow. This time it wasn’t about his pride. It was about Bucky. However, he couldn’t tell his mother that because that would mean admitting Bucky wouldn’t talk to him and further disappointing her since she seemed so dead set on them being best friends again. 

So, Steve just hung his head and muttered an “I’m sorry…”

It was that moment that Steve was saved by the principal’s arrival. Brock walked out with his father, glaring at Steve for a moment. As the skinny, pale teenager stood up to follow his mother into the principal’s office, he felt a hand on his back and looked over to see Nat giving him an encouraging look as she slipped a piece of paper into his hand. He uncrumpled it to see her number written there. He smiled. At least someone had his back. It might not be the same as having Bucky beside him, but it was better than nothing.

Once the principal had Mrs. Roger’s and Steve sitting, he explained what had really happened. Though Steve had to frown, as all of the information came from Brock and it naturally made Steve look like the one who’d started the fight simply because he’d thrown the first punch.

“So, let me get this straight...you are saying that my son, the skinny, sickly, weak cancer survivor...is the instigator and Brock Rumlow, who by the way, has a history of bullying my boy, is the victim?” Sarah Roger’s tone left no room for argument. She was calling the principal out on the words he had spoken, knowing that while Steve had thrown the first punch he was not a bully. He had never been. He had fought against bullies his whole life, always the underdog but never backing down. She did not believe for a second that Brock had done nothing to deserve that punch. Still, her son was the one who was injured the worst. Her son was the one sporting a swollen face and possibly broken ribs, Sarah would be able to tell easier when they were in private. Either way, she did not like the words the principal spoke. 

“I am saying that your son violated our zero tolerance policy and regardless of what led up to it, he threw the first punch and according to our handbook that requires punishment.” The principal responded, his eyes taking in the sight of the teenager and a sigh escaping his lips. “However, as this is the first offense and he is new to this school we will be lenient on him and he will not face expulsion.”

“So, my son is being punished for defending himself against a boy who has bullied him his entire life?” Sarah’s tone was nothing short of sarcastic. Steve for his part just sat silently, looking at his feet. He knew that he HAD thrown the first punch, but it was Rumlow’s own fault for saying what he had. Steve would not have punched him otherwise and he knew his mother understood that. It’s why she was fighting so hard. 

“I am saying that your son threw the first punch and that is the problem, Mrs. Rogers.”

“There is more than one way to start a fight...sometimes words hurt more than any punch and while I don’t doubt Steve threw that punch, I wish you would understand that my son would not do so unprompted.”

“I understand that, Mrs. Rogers, but rules are rules and unfortunately the best I can do is lessen the punishment to a suspension rather than expulsion.”

Steve bit his lip at those words. He appreciated his mother defending him. However, so far he hated this school and just wished he could return to school at the hospital where it was Bucky’s mom who taught him or being homeschooled where it was his own mother. He didn’t have to worry about Rumlow then or why Bucky wouldn’t talk to him.

“Fine. I will be writing a formal complaint though, as you refuse to listen and I am certain that Brock Rumlow has gotten off easy.”

“The other boy's punishment is not your concern, Mrs. Rogers. I wish I could prove to you that I am being as fair as I can. I understand your son has not had it easy. However, that is no excuse for fighting and we have a zero tolerance policy. So my suggestion is to take these ten days with your son and speak with him about his behavior. Hopefully, we can avoid further incidents of violence like this one.”

“Ten days!” Steve jumped as his mother stood up and raised her voice. He reached out for her hand and sighed. He knew she was defensive of him, after all, he had been through a lot and he had nearly died but he hadn’t expected her to react this way and he didn’t really understand why.

“It’s alright, Mama. I’ll get my work from Natasha and Clint. I’ll keep up. It’s okay.”

“No it is not okay! We will talk about this but…” Sarah Rogers pulled her arm out of Steve’s grasp and approached the principal, shaking her head as she looked his way. “You will be getting a formal complaint because when I decided that my son would return to school it was under the impression that he would be protected and respected. A ten-day suspension does not demonstrate that.”

“Mama, come on...it’s okay.” Steve could tell his mother was getting agitated. She was starting to get winded and that worried Steve. He knew that anxiety and upset could cause that. However, in the back of his mind, he was starting to worry. Something didn’t seem right. Yet, he knew his mother would tell him if something was wrong. So, for now, he just wanted to get her out of there and calm her down. She wasn’t changing the principal’s mind and Steve understood that.

“Fine. Let’s go, Steven.”

Steve knew he was in trouble when his mother called him Steven. However, Steve had done what he felt was right in standing up to Rumlow. He had always stood up to bullies, that had not changed and he knew his mother would understand that. He just had to get home first and get her calmed down. Then, they could talk.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah shares some heartfelt moments with her precious son, as Steve grows more and more suspicious that something may be wrong with his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late response guys! I have had a lot happen in my life between March and now...and I'm still adjusting to the changes. I am not dead, I promise and if you're still reading....THANK YOU! I really do love this story and I am still working on it, even if I have been slow to update.

Steve knew that Sarah Rogers was livid. Not only that, she was disappointed. His mother did not like it when he got into trouble. Being sick had put a stop to trouble for awhile, but no sooner had he returned to school than his old ways returned. Steve was not a pushover. He could never sit back and let someone bully anyone, including him. He hoped that his mother understood that. However, he would not be surprised if she didn’t. 

Sarah Rogers always seemed somewhat disappointed by Steve’s behavior and he could not blame her for that. He tried to keep his grades up and to do things he thought would make her happy. However, even he had to admit that he had gotten into a fair bit of trouble year after year. Bucky had been his only saving grace, always jumping in to finish his fights and keep him from getting as beat up as he could otherwise. Honestly, that is what made Bucky’s distance so strange to Steve. He had never acted this way before. When Steve got sick, he never thought he’d lose a friend, let alone Bucky who had always been more than a friend. Yet, that is exactly what seemed to have happened and Steve could not understand it for the life of him.

“Steven, you have some explaining to do.” It was Sarah who broke her son from his thoughts when they arrived home. She was sitting down on the couch, rubbing her temples as if she had a headache. However, her tone still meant business and Steve knew that there would be no smooth talking or avoiding this conversation. She was disappointed and she deserved the truth. Steve knew that. She had gone to bat for him and as such, she deserved the honest truth. 

“I told you it was Rumlow’s fault…” Steve’s words were mumbled. He didn’t feel that he was wrong for hitting Rumlow based on what the other had said. However, he knew that his mother would never condone fighting, regardless of the reasoning behind it. Still, he believed he was in the right, so naturally the first words out of his mouth were an excuse. 

“I don’t care whose fault it was, Steven....you know better. We have talked about this...you can’t just get into fights and where was James during this? Usually he seems to be able to knock sense into you or at least keep you from ending up with broken ribs.” Sarah sighed, looking suddenly exhausted as she stood up to lift Steve’s shirt and assess the damage Rumlow’s kicks had done. “You do have broken ribs, by the way, so we will be going to the hospital later and i’m sure your oncologist will be thrilled to hear what you’ve done to yourself.”

Steve groaned. That was the last thing he wanted. “Lovely…” Steve muttered, looking at his feet once more because anything was better than looking at his mother’s disappointed face. 

“Steven Grant Rogers, stop avoiding my question. What were you thinking and where was James?”

“James was in his seat….and I couldn’t let Rumlow get away with what he was saying about me and James both. He said we should have done the world a favor and died and I know we talked about this Mama but it isn’t just about pride...he’s got no right to talk to me like that ...it ain’t right. He does it to everyone and I wanted to teach him a lesson!” Try as he might, Steve couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes as he spoke. Bucky wasn’t talking to him, Rumlow wanted him dead, he’d been suspended on his second day of school and life just was not being very fair to him. He didn’t know that it was even less fair than he thought, as his mother was dying. If he knew that, the tears would have only come faster and harder.

Sarah Roger’s sighed as her boy began to cry. Yes, she was disappointed he had resorted to fighting to solve the problem, but she also knew that he was never one to sit back and keep his mouth shut. She understood it, even if she hated it because he was always the one who got hurt the worst. Still, it made her blood boil to hear what Rumlow had said to her son. Steve was absolutely right that the boy did not have a right to say that and she would be calling the school as soon as she got Steve calm because she’d be damned if she didn’t ensure that Brock Rumlow did not get the punishment he deserved, especially now that she saw how broken up her boy was.

Sarah wrapped her arms around her son, taking him into her arms and rocking him gently. “Shh….you are right about one thing, Stevie. He doesn’t have the right to talk to you like that and more than that, he is wrong. He has no idea what you have been through and how strong you’ve been. You amaze me, baby and I promise you that I am so proud of you for defending yourself and I love you. Brock Rumlow has no idea what he is talking about or who he is messing with. This will be dealt with.” 

Sarah could feel Steve begin to sob when she started speaking, so she just held him tighter and rubbed his back. She wasn’t going to show her anger to him. He might be a teenager now, but in the privacy of their apartment he was her little boy, the baby she’d taken so much pride in from the moment he was born. This was the child she was born to protect. The fact that this was not something she could protect him from hurt her but as disappointed as she was, she felt that Steve was proving to her that he’d be okay when she was gone, that he could stand up for himself and take care of himself. In a way, this set her mind at ease a bit more. 

“You’re not mad at me?” Steve’s blue eyes looked up at his mother, worried that she was still mad or disappointed despite his explanation. The one person he never wanted to upset was his mother because she was the one person who had never given up on him and who had sacrificed so much for him. He understood that.

“No, baby. I am not mad. I wish there was a different way to solve it...but I do understand why you hit that boy and I think he had it coming with what he said to you.”

“You do?” Steve expected to get a lecture from his mother. However, here she was telling him that she was proud of him and that she understood why he had hit Brock Rumlow and that the other boy even had it coming. Steve was stunned and he was certain it showed on his face.

“Baby, I know that Brock Rumlow has bullied you since you were a child. I know that you hit a limit, especially after he said such a horrible thing...I am not mad. I am disappointed that you could not avoid a fight...but I could never be mad at you for this.” As Sarah Rogers spoke, she smiled at Steve with tired eyes. She released him from her arms only to cup his cheeks between her hands and to kiss her son’s forehead. “I love you, Steven and I really do understand why you had to do this. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.” Disappointed in the method, but proud that her baby was growing up and proving himself self-sufficient. She was less worried about having to leave him in the near future. 

“Thank you, Mama.” Steve sniffled as he looked up at his mother. “Are you okay?” He had been watching his mother for awhile now, picking up the subtle signs that something wasn’t right. He knew that his mother was hiding something, but he had no idea what it was. Still, he saw the signs. He knew she’d been more exhausted lately and he’d caught her looking paler than normal. Still, up to this point he’d been able to chalk it off to his own illness taking a toll on her. Now, however, he was doing well and other than this suspension...things were returning to normal. She, however, was not and that concerned Steve. 

“What do you mean, baby?”

“I mean...are you okay, Mama? You just sort of seem off...like something is wrong but I dunno what and can’t really put my finger on it.”

“Don’t worry about me, Stevie. I am just a little tired, okay. Why don’t you go pick out a movie and we can watch it together, okay?”

Steve was reluctant to drop the subject, but he trusted that if something was truly wrong, his mother would tell him. He didn’t see why she’d ever hide anything from him, especially something big. He was no longer sick, even if he was still growing his hair back and trying to gain weight. Still, he was healthy again and in his mind there was no reason to keep secrets from him. So, as reluctant as he was, he did just as his mother said, leaving her alone for a few minutes to find a movie they could watch together. 

For her part, Sarah Rogers intended to make the most of these ten days with her son, even if she hated that he was suspended. She knew that she would have to tell Steve the truth, but she did not feel now was the time. Perhaps, at the end of his suspension. For now, however, she just wanted to savor this time with her son.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's world begins crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day...don't get used to it. My muse for this story is strong. My time to write...not so much. Today, I had time and I felt horrible about how long it took to update. So, you get two chapters out of me today. I wish I had time to keep up this pace, but I know I don't. So, please keep reading, leaving kudos and comments. I promise that it keeps my muse strong and that I will keep writing and updating when time permits.

It was toward the tail end of Steve’s suspension that Sarah decided the time was right to tell Steve the truth. She knew that she couldn’t hide it from her son forever and honestly, she was starting to grow more exhausted by the day. She knew that time was running out and soon she’d need to stop working and Steve would see first-hand what was going on. She couldn’t wait until that time to tell him. He needed to know what was coming.

So, Sarah Rogers spent her day off cooking Steve’s favorite foods while he was being tutored by Rebecca. When she dropped him back off, a full meal was waiting and Sarah was sitting at the kitchen table, her face void of emotion as she prepared to tell Steve the news that would rock his world and send it crashing down into a million pieces.

“Mama?” Steve knew the moment he walked in and saw his favorite foods that something was wrong. The last time Sarah had put this much effort into a meal for Steve was when she had to tell him that current treatments weren’t working and he needed a bone marrow transplant. A lot of tears had been shed at this table that day and Steve couldn’t help but think that this meal was a sign that something big was about to happen. In his gut, he knew it was about his mother, but he still feared it might be something else, something related to the cancer he’d just kicked to the curb. 

“Steven, I thought that we’d have some of your favorites tonight, since you go back to school on Monday.”

Steve watched her carefully, knowing for a fact that something was wrong now. She never called him Steven unless something serious was about to happen. Plus, she was so stiff that he knew something was wrong.

“Okay...but it’s only Friday and...well, last time you cooked like this you told me I had to have a bone marrow transplant. So...what is it this time, Mama?”

This was the moment of truth and Sarah Rogers didn’t know how to do this. She had to do it, but she had no idea how. How did you tell your only son, the boy who you’d watched fight and win against cancer, that that very same beast was killing you and that he’d be an orphan in a few weeks? This was no easy task and it broke her heart to look at her precious son, worry and fear etched into his features.

“Sit down, I’ll tell you after dinner.” That is what escaped Sarah Roger’s lips when she finally opened her mouth.

“No...Mama, I want to know now. You’re hiding something...I know it. You’ve been hiding it….” He’d seen the signs. She always looked exhausted and not the type of exhaustion that came with a long work week, but the type of exhaustion that came with a heavy burden. She also had been watching Steve closer throughout his suspension, taking in every moment and while Steve knew she loved him, her attention had actually begun to freak him out about. Now, he was beginning to put it together, but he wanted to hear it from her. He wanted to know what it was she was hiding and why. 

“I’m dying, Steve.” Sarah couldn’t avoid it any longer and she figured there was no easy way to say this, so she just said it bluntly and honestly. Her eyes demonstrated the sadness and heartache she knew this would cause her son. She didn’t want this to be true. She didn’t want to leave him. He was her life and her world revolved around him. He’d fought so hard and even Sarah didn’t understand how the very God she believed in could possibly do this to them. Steve had survived only to lose her so soon. It didn’t make sense, but it was something she couldn’t change, hard as she tried. 

That was the last thing that he expected and he found himself sinking down into the seat beside his mother, disbelief apparent on his face and his mouth open, but no words escaping it. 

“I...I didn’t want to tell you until I knew you were healthy enough to handle it. I’ve known for awhile now. I was diagnosed while you were still in isolation and I...I made some choices that have allowed us more time but...that time is running out.”

“What…” Steve couldn’t formulate words. He didn’t know what to ask. Hell, he couldn’t even find the words. He just knew that with those words, his life seemed to be over. He had survived cancer and yet his mother, his rock and best friend, the only person who had never left him and had loved him unconditionally, was dying. She was dying and there was nothing he could do. 

“Stevie, I’m so sorry…but I have a plan. We need to talk about this though. I need to know that you’re going to be okay.” Sarah had known she was dying long enough to create a will to ensure every single thing she worked for went to Steve. This will also ensured that Steve would never be a ward of the state, but that her best friend, Rebecca Barnes, Bucky’s mother, would take care of Steve and adopt him as her own. She had even spoken with a social worker to ensure that Steve would never be sent to a temporary home and that the transition would be as smooth as possible. Now, Steve had to be let in on the plan and he had to know what was going to happen within the next few weeks, as she grew weaker and began to fade. He needed to know that she had done everything she could to ensure that her son would be okay. 

Still, one glance at Steve and Sarah knew that “okay” was the furthest thing from the truth. She would see the sheer panic behind his eyes and she had a sense that he was about to bolt, to escape as he always had when he got scared. To run and find somewhere to think. Yet, she couldn’t chase him as she had in younger years….years when she was healthy and fit. No. This time, if he ran he’d be on his own. “Steven?”

Steve felt as if all the air had been pushed out of his lungs and he’d never remember how to breathe again. He could feel the panic setting in and the room seemed to be closing in around him. He stared into his mother’s tired eyes, the same blue as his own, and then he stood up and ran. He could hear his mother calling after him, but it didn’t matter. He needed to get out of there. He needed to think, to process this and yet, he couldn’t do it in the apartment where everything felt too small and where the world seemed to be crumbling around him. No. He needed out and so he ran. He ran without looking back or even knowing where he was going. He just had to get out of there. 


End file.
